Choosing to be happy

Earlier this week, I shared a conversation with my husband and another who suggested we asked the question, “Why had I been chosen to be given this child”. It wasn’t a query to find blame, but to see the respect the universe had given us as parents to be given this special girl.

I thought about that for several days, and what really makes me up as a person. I realized at some point, I simply chose to see things differently. I chose compassion.

Compassion has empowered me to be happy much more than without it. Compassion changed my relationships more than I think I knew, making them much more cherished than they were before. I began to expect the best in others, not defaulting to the worst. That choice unburdened me from anger and resentment I didn’t know I had, and made happiness all the more possible.

I’ve asked myself a million times, why I wasn’t given a “typical” child. I was angry for a long time, both for my daughter and for myself. I was angry that the relationship my daughter and I shared was full of therapies and doctors. That we didn’t spend our time together in play dates and parks, but in clinics.

I was also angry my husband wasn’t going on the same journey. We were on significantly different parenting pages for a long time. He works long hours, and hasn’t been to even a third of the appointments I’ve been to for our daughter. Looking back, it was no surprise he didn’t understand why our daughter could have not only autism but cerebral palsy. His time spent with her was almost all doing “normal” daddy and daughter things.

My relationship with her was spent advocating, assessing, listening to people more knowledgeable than me trying to teach me to do the best for my daughter.  I turned into a determined mom, not only to help my daughter every way possible, but also to learn all I could.

Our relationship was completely bound to treatments and therapies. There was no other way around it. At some point though, compassion changed this.

Compassion helped me to understand the tantrums, the difficulties, and the confusion my daughter so often had. It helped me to communicate, to calm and to mediate the problems my daughter was facing. It also helped me to mediate the world around me. Disagreements with my husband became fewer, more engaged, and more focused in resolving than being right. Around me, I began to find happiness in helping others, giving what I could to brighten others lives. The simple act of giving soon began to empower me to a true happiness.

It’s all because of her. It’s all because *I* was chosen by the universe to have this special little girl. I have been entrusted for her, and just as much, I’ve been entrusted in the lives of those around me. It seems overwhelming to put it that way, but the truth of it is, I am capable. I am completely capable of loving instead of hating, of choosing communication over conflict, of assuming the best instead of expecting the worst.


I can, and will, do better for those around me.